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When you have a slutty wife

Anime, Confused, and Love: I love you | like you Thanks to my effectively nonexistent contact with other, genuinely functional human beings (mostly born out of the fact that I find myself unable to create or understand healthy social interactions), I am unsure if what I feel for you is genuine romantic affection, or if I’m just so detached from emotions and social interactions that I have confused love with the platonic desire for friendship, or even the basic human craving for love and affection, given that I have none. Not that I have anyone else to blame since I myself have created the vicious spiral of self-pity and social anxiety that I am still sliding down. Somebody kill me Can I get an F

Huh? Oil?

Im in Club Pen15

Can your cat do that

Tough choice.

Lebanon has joined the server…

Россия

Love

I laughed more than I should have

3D printer without cpu.

Aladdin, Bones, and Children: ALADDIN Super sweet, stoic, brave. patient & affectionate, he waits with hope for the care & vetting he so urgently needs. Please help him! Id 71143, 7 Yrs., 38 lbs., Skin, bones & all heart, Begging for your love & help at the Manhattan ACC TO BE KILLED 8/27/19 Aladdin is not doing well and needs help! **$1,000 STIPEND** Aladdin will show you the world, You don’t need a magic carpet ride to find shining, shimmering, splendor @ MACC * A $1000 stipend will be offered to the New Hope partner that pulls Aladdin #71143.* He stands and waits for attention, patiently, and he wags his tail. ALADDIN is so brave and stoic as he smiles through his pain, eager for love, asking for nothing but care and human kindness. His life has not been the happiest, but even after 7 years of neglect, he still dreams that somehow, some way, someone will see him for the treasure he is and pick him, will love him, and will make him whole again. He has so much heart. He is love personified. But he desperately needs a foster or adopter ASAP so he can get the vetting he needs. Aladdin needs a gastrostomy so he can get the nutrition he needs to not lose further weight (he is so emaciated), and he also needs a laparotomy so there can be a more comprehensive analysis of his abdominal cavity and organs because the ultrasound they gave him was not able to diagnose the source of his medical condition. Will you please give this dear boy a soft place to land. If you foster, the rescue that pulls will pay all medical, you add love and support. Aladdin is the sweetest thing – doesn’t he deserve a chance to live, be happy, and finally – be loved? Message our page for assistance – hurry please. A volunteer writes: I can show you the world…Or the perfect pup! You don’t need a magic carpet ride to find shining, shimmering, splendor. You just need to head to Manhattan ACC and meet our resident prince of hearts Aladdin! At 7 years-young this silver-coated cutie is about as lovely and sweet as they come, whether it’s trotting along happily beside you on a walk, nuzzling his beloved tennis ball, or sitting and smiling for a treat! Aladdin arrived to us quite underweight but this heartthrob has been gaining weight as steadily as he has admirers and now is looking absolutely #swoon. And have I mentioned those ears?! One up, one down, one left, one right, if you can decide which way you love Aladdin’s ears the most – don’t worry! They change direction all the time like the wind! Wonderful Aladdin is playful, attentive, and bright, and can sometimes be over-eager with his treats, so might benefit from a quick brush-up on his manners. You don’t need a magic carpet or even a genie in a bottle to find your fairytale ending. Just come meet our Aladdin today. Aladdin is waiting in adoptions at Manhattan ACC MY MOVIES: Aladdin is ready for a whole new world <3 https://youtu.be/XpQbIiF4LGg Aladdin and Krystal in Playgroup https://youtu.be/SDo2pAhtDdo ALADDIN, ID# 71143, 7 yrs old, 38.6 lbs, Unaltered Male Manhattan ACC, Large Mixed Breed, Gray Found Stray Shelter Assessment Rating: LEVEL 2 No young children (under 5) Recommend no dog parks Medical Behavior Rating: BEHAVIOR NOTES Means of surrender (length of time in previous home): Stray Behavior toward strangers: friendly, seeks attention, jumps up SAFER ASSESSMENT: Date of assessment: 5-Aug-2019 Summary: Leash Walking Strength and pulling: Light Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: None Sociability Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Highly social Call over: Approaches readily Sociability comments: Body soft, jumps up, stays by assessor Handling Soft handling: Seeks contact Exuberant handling: Seeks contact Handling comments: Body soft, leans into pets Arousal Jog: Follows (loose) Arousal comments: None Knock: Approaches (loose) Knock Comments: None Toy: Growls Toy comments: None PLAYGROUP NOTES - DOG TO DOG SUMMARIES: Aladdin initially displayed some interest in greeting select dogs in the care center. He has recently displayed some reactivity when greeting others dogs (growls, barks). Due to this selectivity, a dog park environment is not recommended for Aladdin. Future introductions to dogs should be monitored closely and conducted on a one-on one basis. 8/6: When introduced off leash to the female greeter dog, Aladdin is soft and appropriate when greeting. He remains interested in re-approaching. 8/7-8/9: Aladdin approaches and greets female dogs politely. 8/11: Aladdin is more playful when greeting other dogs today. 8/12: Aladdin ignores the helper dog. He is fixated on growling and barking at dogs passing through the yard. FUN FACTS: INTAKE BEHAVIOR: Date of intake: 1-Aug-2019 Summary: loose body, friendly, allowed all handling MEDICAL BEHAVIOR: ENERGY LEVEL: We have no history on Aladdin so we cannot be certain of his behavior in a home environment. At the care center, he displays a medium level of activity. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION: Level 2 Behavior Asilomar TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations: No young children (under 5) Recommend no dog parks Recommendations comments: No young children: Due to resource guarding seen on his behavior assessment (growling when the toy he was in possession of was touched), we recommend a home without young children. No dog parks: See dog-dog. Potential challenges: Resource guarding Potential challenges comments: Resource guarding: Aladdin growled when the toy he was in possession of was touched during his assessment. Please see handout on Resource Guarding. MEDICAL EXAM NOTES 19-Aug-2019 Progress Exam SO BAR in kennel. Diarrhea is seen in kennel. EN -- mucoid nasal discharge A CIRDC diarrhea P proviable q24h x 5 days enrofloxacin 204mg tablet -- give 1 tablet PO q24h x 14 days doxycycline 100mg tablet -- give 1.75 tablet PO q24h x 14 days cerenia 60mg tablet -- give 1 tablet PO q24h x 4 days 6-Aug-2019 Progress Exam SO Recheck food bloat and gastritis. P is BAR and standing at front of kennel. No diarrhea has been reported. A emaciation gastritis P continue to monitor in shelter 5-Aug-2019 Progress Exam Hx: Pt presented to ACC emaciated and with severe food bloat. He was sent to outside ICU for treatment. He is returning today and should continue metronidazole. S: Energetic, runs around, pulls hard on leash, wags tail and jumps up on examiner, allows abd palpation while jumping O: BAR-H, BCS 2/9, MMs pink and moist EENT: No discharge OU, nose. PLNs: Not significantly enlarged. H/L: Eupnic, not ausculted Abd: Soft, no pain on palpation, no masses palpated, not distended! M/S/I: Amb x4. No skin lesions noted. UG: Male intact Neuro: Alert and appropriate, no sign neurological deficiencies A: Gastritis secondary to food bloat, pt recovering well. Emaciation - cause still unknown. Short-term prognosis: Good P: Metronidazole 250 mg PO BID x5 days. Monitor for diarrhea or vomiting. 2-Aug-2019 Spay-Neuter Waiver Documentation [Spay/Neuter Waiver - Temporary] Your newly adopted pet has been diagnosed with AN ILLNESS and the staff veterinarians are issuing a TEMPORARY waiver from the spay/neuter requirements of the City of NY. Follow up care at your regular veterinarian is recommended to ensure continued treatment through to the resolution of the issue. At the time of a full recovery you may choose to have your veterinarian perform the spay/neuter surgery, or make provisions to return the pet to ACC for sterilization. 1-Aug-2019 Tech Exam. Per Dr. placed 22G IVC LFL with IVF LRS @ 50 mls/hr. 1-Aug-2019 Blood Work Interpretation. Radiograph Review. Abd rads: Liver very squished cranially, Small and large intestines gas-filled and squished caudally, The majority of the abdomen is filled with the stomach, which has a stippled opacity like food and fluid. One lateral chest rad taken - chest compressed by protruding diaphragm. Bronchial pattern likely secondary to compression. CBC/chemistry - mild azotemia, no other abnormalities. Abd ultrasound - difficult to see inside mass due to high gas content. Spleen noted caudally in the abdomen. PLAN: 1. Place IVC and start IVF at 50 ml/hr. 2. Rec immediate exploratory laparotomy/gastrotomy. 1-Aug-2019 DVM Intake Exam. Estimated age: Estimated 6-10 years based on dentition and overall condition. Microchip noted on Intake? Scanned negative. History : Stray, no health hx available. Subjective: Emaciated. Stands and waits for attention, wags tail. We offered food - pt looked interested, wagged his tail and sniffed it, but ate only a mouthful and then turned away. Observed Behavior - Wags tail, allows petting and all handling. Evidence of Cruelty seen – None. Evidence of Trauma seen – None. Objective: BAR, MMs pale pink and moist, BCS 2/9, EENT: Eyes clear, AU moderate brown discharge, no erythema. No nasal or ocular discharge noted. Oral Exam: Stage 1-2 gingivitis/periodontitis, fractured maxillary canine teeth, PLN: No enlargements noted. H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic, no coughing or sneezing. ABD: Extremely firm mass taking up entire abdomen. U/G: Male intact, testicles small, soft and symmetrical. Pt urinated during exam - very concentrated, orange color. MSI: Ambulatory x 4, stands with left elbow abducted. Emaciated. Dirty fur coat. Skin free of parasites, no masses noted. CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities. Rectal: Normal externally. Pt retched and heaved after the exam - no vomit produced. Assessment: Emaciation, pt is interested in food but doesn't eat much. Concentrated urine. Suspect abd neoplasia. Prognosis: Guarded. Plan: 1. CBC/chemistry, 2. Abd rads - sedate with Dexdomitor 0.1 ml and butorphanol 0.2 ml IV. SURGERY: Temporary waiver due to illness *** TO FOSTER OR ADOPT *** HOW TO RESERVE A “TO BE KILLED” DOG ONLINE (only for those who can get to the shelter IN PERSON to complete the adoption process, and only for the dogs on the list NOT marked New Hope Rescue Only). Follow our Step by Step directions below! *PLEASE NOTE – YOU MUST USE A PC OR TABLET – PHONE RESERVES WILL NOT WORK! ** STEP 1: CLICK ON THIS RESERVE LINK: https://newhope.shelterbuddy.com/Animal/List Step 2: Go to the red menu button on the top right corner, click register and fill in your info. Step 3: Go to your email and verify account Step 4: Go back to the website, click the menu button and view available dogs Step 5: Scroll to the animal you are interested and click reserve STEP 6 ( MOST IMPORTANT STEP ): GO TO THE MENU AGAIN AND VIEW YOUR CART. THE ANIMAL SHOULD NOW BE IN YOUR CART! Step 7: Fill in your credit card info and complete transaction HOW TO FOSTER OR ADOPT IF YOU *CANNOT* GET TO THE SHELTER IN PERSON, OR IF THE DOG IS NEW HOPE RESCUE ONLY! You must live within 3 – 4 hours of NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Norther VA. Please PM our page for assistance. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a dog on the To Be Killed list, including those labelled Rescue Only. Hurry please, time is short, and the Rescues need time to process the applications.

January 2020 summed up in a warm drink.

It was 1999, the biggest kid on the block shot a wet one of these directly to my belly. I saw death that day and survived.

Getting the last out in dodgeball

High Way In Sweden For E-truck

Ur the GOAT kind sir!

Does it work

Yes Please.

Making sure kitty is safe

Elon Musk's new Mars Rocket just randomly exploded, oops!

Band on a wheel

That's incredible

Being rich looks awesome.

Being Alone, Animals, and Cats: CUTE Fall-Fiqured Girl In Ned- Friendly afictionate, playful housetrained. ived in hartony with two children knows basic comtuands — SPAYED&Ready To Go! At Brooklyn ACC waiting for LOVE Saseyahire Alone time is overrated- Adopt a shelter dog TO BE KILLED – 8/24/2019 ALONE TIME IS OVERRATED – ADOPT A SHELTER DOG <3 Sapphire is in need of a second chance in a good home. Instead of her former family making a few adjustments to keep the entire family together they just decided to throw Sapphire away. Now, at a time when she should be enjoying her home and family, she's stuck in a shelter and slated to lose her life if no one else sees what a true gem she is and her potential. Sapphire already lived in harmony with children and does well when meeting new people. She'll need a meet and greet to ensure she's a good match with another four-legged roommate but she's been known to do well. Sapphie is also housetrained and spayed so she's all ready to go and be a part of an awesome family but she needs her hero to be prompt because she is out of time at the Brooklyn shelter. Please don't wait. SAPPHIRE@BROOKLYN ACC Hello, my name is Sapphire My animal id is #70450 I am a desexed female brown brindle dog at the Brooklyn Animal Care Center The shelter thinks I am about 6 years old, 64 lbs Came into shelter as owner surrender 7/26/2019 Reason stated animal behavior - aggressive to other animals Sapphire is rescue only I came to the shelter with my sister Ruby, Id 70449, also on the list to die 🙁 : https://www.facebook.com/mldsavingnycdogs/photos/a.112459638940315/1045885488931054/?type=3&theater Sapphire is at risk for behavior concerns. Although she displays social behavior when interacting with staff members, Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a high level of anxiety during her interactions. Due to these observations, as well as her multiple-bite history toward other dogs, we feel she would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can help manage these behaviors and decompress in a more stable environment, prior to permanent placement in an adult-only home. There are stipulations with placement. She is obese but appears otherwise healthy. My medical notes are... Weight: 64.4 lbs Vet Notes 7/26/2019 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 6y Microchip noted on Intake? yes History : owner surrender Subjective: BARH, no appetite, no elimination concerns Observed Behavior - mildly timid but allowed all handling Evidence of Cruelty seen - no Evidence of Trauma seen - no Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS 7/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears AU mild erythema, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: adult dentition, mild attrition PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: female spayed, scar noted, no leakage or discharge MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: visually normal Assessment otitis ext - suspect allergies overweight Prognosis: excellent Plan: rec weight loss tresaderm 4 drops AU BID until 8/1 rec derm consult with placement SURGERY: spayed 8/1/2019 Progress exam History: Intake 7/26/19: Owner surrender, noted otitis externa, overweight. Started tresaderm. Today, 8/1: Recheck otitis Subjective: BAR, no coughing/sneezing/vomiting/diarrhea. No pruritus or discomfort noted by ACS or behavior staff. Objective: Cageside exam performed. Eyes: Clear bilaterally, no discharge Nasal Cavity: No nasal discharge. Lungs: Eupneic Musculoskeletal: Ambulatory x 4 with no appreciable lameness. Integument: Unremarkable haircoat. Neuro: Appropriate mentation. Assessment: -Otitis externa (resolved) -Overweight Prognosis: Good Plan: -Okay to d/c tresaderm -Recommend dermatology consult, weight loss with placement 8/15/2019 Progress exam-longterm stay History : Intake 7/26/19-otitis, overweight. Started on tresaderm Subjective: BARH. No csvd. Nervous, whale eyes, panting, head flipping. Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS = 6/9 EENT: Eyes have nuclear sclerosis ou, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: clean adult dentition, no oral lesions PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupneic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: FS, no MGTs, no vulvar d/c MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Assessment: Overweight Prognosis: Excellent Plan: CTM while at BACC Rec weight loss and BW with placement Details on my behavior are... Behavior History Behavior Assessment Behavior during intake: Sapphire had a tense body and was lip licking during intake. Counselor was able to scan for a microchip, collar and take a picture without any issues Date of Intake: 7/26/2019 Spay/Neuter Status: Spayed Basic Information:: Sapphire is a 6 year old spayed female that has no current medical concerns that the owner is aware of. Owner had Sapphire in the home since she was born but had to surrender due to behavior Previously lived with:: 2 Adults, 2 children, 2 other dogs How is this dog around strangers?: When a stranger would come to the owners home, Sapphire was friendly and outgoing. How is this dog around children?: Sapphire lived with 2 children ages 4 and 6 and was always respectful and playful with the children in the home How is this dog around other dogs?: Sapphire with lived with other female dogs (same size). 1 female was spayed and 1 unaltered and was respectful around the other 2 dogs. Owner stated that she would someone get into a scuffle with the her litter mate but never never bit hard enough to break skin. How is this dog around cats?: Sapphire has never been around a cat so behavior is unknown Resource guarding:: Sapphire is not bothered if someone approaches her food, treats or toys Bite history:: Sapphire has a bite history with the most recent bite being 2 weeks ago om 7/12/19. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Medium Other Notes:: Sapphire is not bothered when someone would hold her or restrain her, being pushed off furniture, being disturbed while sleeping, being given a bath, having her paws touched or when an unfamiliar person would come to the owners home Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: Yes Medical Notes: Sapphire does not have any known medical concerns For a New Family to Know: Sapphire is described as friendly, affectionate and playful with a medium activity level. She likes to play with all types of toys. In the home, Sapphire liked to stay in her favorite spot. She was fed dry food only brand Wellness. Sapphire was kept both indoor/outdoor and is house trained. When left alone in the home, she would go through the garbage. Sapphire knows the cues sit, come, stay , down and paw. For exercise, she was let out in the yard to play. When on leash, she tends to pull lightly. Owner has never walked her off leash so behavior is unknown. ==================== Date of intake:: 7/26/2019 Spay/Neuter status:: Yes Means of surrender (length of time in previous home):: Owner surrender Previously lived with:: 2 Adults, 2 Children (4, 6), 2 Dogs (Large, Females) Behavior toward strangers:: Friendly and outgoing Behavior toward children:: Respectful and playful (w/resident children) Behavior toward dogs:: Respectful; Sometimes scuffled (w/resident dogs) Behavior toward cats:: Unknown Resource guarding:: None reported Bite history:: 7/12/19: Previous owner reported Sapphire and Ruby (70449) to have had a recent bite incident with a neighbor's dog that was being walked on-leash. Ruby and Sapphire were observed to escape from the backyard and began hard barking as they ran toward the neighbor's small dog and one of them bit her on the stomach. This bite resulted in two punctures and the neighbor's dog was rushed to the emergency vet to seek treatment for the wounds. 5/10/15: Previous owner reported Ruby and Sapphire to have had a bite incident with a neighbor's dog. Ruby and Sapphire were observed to escape from the backyard and began hard barking and growling as they ran toward the neighbor's dog and one of them bit her on the neck. This bite resulted in multiple punctures and the neighbor's dog was rushed to the emergency vet to seek treatment and ultimately euthanized as a result of the severity of the wounds. Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: Sapphire is described as friendly, affectionate and playful with a medium level of energy. Summary:: Leash Walking Strength and pulling: Moderate-hard pulling Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: Sociability Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Neutral body, tail wagging, ears back, panting, approaches readily, jumps up softly onto handler, accepts contact, licks handler Call over: Approaches with coaxing; Distracted, stays near door Sociability comments: Handling Soft handling: Neutral-tense body, tail wagging, ears erect, head tense, leans into handler, panting, lip licking, distracted by outside noises, accepts all contact Exuberant handling: Neutral-tense body, tail wagging, ears erect, head tense, leans into handler, panting, lip licking, distracted by outside noises, accepts all contact, shakes off Handling comments: Arousal Jog: Engages in play with handler, soft and loose; On second pass, jumps up onto door, seeking exit Arousal comments: Knock Knock Comments: Paces, pants, whining, lip licking and pulls hard toward door when assistant exits; No response to knock; Pulls hard toward door seeking exit when assistant enters, does not solicit attention Toy Toy comments: No interest; Distracted by door and seeking exit Summary:: According to Sapphire's previous owner, she lived with other female dogs (same size). 1 female was spayed and 1 unaltered and was respectful around the other 2 dogs. The owner stated that she would sometimes get into a scuffle with her littermate but did not break the skin. 7/27: Due to Sapphire's potential legal hold status, only a gate greet was conducted with a novel male dog. She greets the male at the gate but is wary to interact with handlers and the other dog. She paces the pens seeking an exit. Summary (1):: Sapphire understands the cues for "sit," "come," "stay," "down" and "paw." Date of intake:: 7/26/2019 Summary:: Tense, lip licked; Allowed all handling Date of initial:: 7/26/2019 Summary:: Somewhat timid; Allowed all handling ENERGY LEVEL:: Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a medium level of energy during her interactions in the care center. We cannot be certain of her behavior in a home environment, but we recommend that she be provided daily mental and physical stimulation as an outlet for her energy. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: New Hope Only Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: No children (under 13),Place with a New Hope partner Recommendations comments:: No children (under 13): Due to Sapphire's reported bite history and observed level of anxiety, we feel she would be best set up to succeed in an adult-only home at this time. Place with a New Hope partner: Although she displays social behavior when interacting with staff members, Sapphire has been observed to exhibit a high level of anxiety during her interactions. Due to these observations, as well as her multiple-bite history toward other dogs, we feel she would be best set up to succeed if placed with an experienced rescue partner who can help manage these behaviors and decompress in a more stable environment, prior to permanent placement in an adult-only home. Force-free, reward based training only is advised when introducing or exposing Sapphire to new and unfamiliar situations, as well as utilizing guidance from a qualified, professional trainer/behaviorist. Potential challenges: : Anxiety,Strength/leash pulling,Bite history (dog) Potential challenges comments:: Bite history (dog): Sapphire has been reported by her previous owner to have had two bite incidents with two different dogs. Both incidents occurred when both Ruby (70449) and Sapphire had escaped from the yard and bit a neighbor's dog, resulting in multiple punctures. (SEE BITE HISTORY). Please refer to the handout for Bite history (dog). Anxiety: Sapphire exhibits anxious behavior during her interactions in the care center, where she has been observed to pant, pace, whine, seek an exit and is easily distracted by outside noises. Please refer to the handout for Generalized Anxiety. Strength/leash pulling: Sapphire was observed to display leash pulling due to her strength. Please refer to the handout on Strength/leash pulling. SAPPHIRE IS RESCUE ONLY…..TO SAVE THIS PUP YOU MUST FILL OUT APPLICATIONS WITH AT LEAST 3 NEW HOPE RESCUES. PLEASE HURRY!!! IF YOU CAN FOSTER OR ADOPT THIS PUP, PLEASE PM OUR PAGE FOR ASSISTANCE. WE CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH LINKS TO APPLICATIONS WITH NEW HOPE RESCUES WHO ARE CURRENTLY PULLING FROM THE NYC ACC. PLEASE SHARE THIS DOG FOR A HOME TO SAVE HER LIFE.

At least she tried. (not mine)

Bad, Dude, and Funny: damaramegido: lunar-lavender jumpingoffthewalls space-transgressor spanishskulduggery lalexicographe whosaprettypolyglot lingasms commandervimes lingasms i say we start a meme where we take jokes that don’t work in other languages and translate them without explanation maybe only tagging with the original language and confuse the heck out of everyone on tumblr who’s not in on the meme like in italian we say "prince light blue" (prince azzurro) instead of "prince charming and i just saw a joke that in english would be f you can’t find your prince charming, the solution is to take a random dude from the street and paint him what’s the difference between a stapler and a sewing machine? a stapler staples and a sewing machine doesn’t i take it back, these are still funny in a completely different way #what does the king of the spiders do? he reigns #1 forget how to say it in French but it’s still my favourite joke this was one of mine omg it’s one of my favourite ones ive ever made ever What’s the strongest cake in the world? Mike Cake What do you call a fish that’s a thief? A sea bass. What’s the difference between a cow and sheet metal ? None, both of them have milk What did the mother fish say to the baby fish? Nothing The guest next to me really likes persimmons (I cheated a bit, it’s a tongue twister.) What did the cat say to his injured friend? "Meow (via no-perks-in-being-a-homestuck-d Heard about the painter who lived in a bad place?

Heart transplant: a bad heart going out and a new heart going in.

One of these steps a bit higher than the others

Deep inside Louise

This "doctor" deserves to die

Everyday struggle…

Balls stuck at the same place on a tree.

Work, All The, and All: WHEN YOU DO NONE OF THE WORK BUT GET ALL THE CREDIT 34 20 22 I might be in danger

Know the difference!

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